The things that I am going to say in this post are nothing new. But still, it is extremely difficult to practice and to master. I am talking about asking for feedback and handling that feedback.

I try to make it a habit to ask people for feedback. This can be about any kind of situation. This can be from anyone ranging from a loose acquaintance to a very close friend. The insights that are there for you to capture are immense. In the end it is all about what is in the eye of the beholder and that what feedback is all about. What impression do you give to other people? When you have crossed the hurdle to ask someone for feedback then comes the even tougher task of accepting that feedback and acting upon it. Don’t start saying “No, that’s not correct  because…” or “No, but…”. Come on, just say “Thank you” and then just shut up. In what follows you should try to incorporate that advice in your daily behavior.

Another thing you will notice is that people really appreciate it when you ask them about feedback. Certainly you are willing to really listen to them and make a commitment to try to act on their advice. In a way feedback can become infectious when people are more then willing to cooperate what you.

Bottom line: Go ahead and ask for feedback

Building a base of trust is a key attribute of all good and effective human relations. When people interact on a regular basis knowing what to expect from each other is a really important asset. But that is not nearly enough. When people have built a base of trust between each other they will also give each other the necessary emotional space. This space allows people to put really put their hearts into something great and big things can florish.

In order to built this positive emotional bank account people need to open themselves up. In the short run this puts you in a vulnerable position.  You feel like you can be exploited. In practice this proves to be true only in the minority of human relations. In the long run it pays off big time because mutual understanding and trust is what people value above all. 

Bottom line: When trust comes first, trust will thrust you forward.

I believe that your self-confidence gets a boost when you have the combination of two factors:

- Belief: you truly have to believe what you are talking about. By being really convinced about the principles that support your behaviour you provide yourself with a solid basis to gain trust from other people

- Passion: when you are really passionate about what you do, your are willing to go the extra mile. You are willing to investigate deeper, to communicate harder, to repeat more often. Passion brings self esteem and self-confidence.

Bottom line: principled belief and actioned passion can make a big difference.

Finding balance in life is a challenging task. Considering the alarming news about the number of burn-outs and stress related problems, it seems like it is a wide-spread issue. The fact that a lot of people are struggling with finding a good balance in their lives makes me wonder what you can do about it.

The number of publications, books and blog posts about this issue is staggering. The number of different types of advice rank up to the same height. All in all, there is one main cause for stress related problems. In my opinion people commit theirselves way to much. People barely can cope with the issues that come up everyday. Most people take on everything. Just a little bit more won’t do harm will it?

The fact that you commit yourself too much makes that everyday clutter fills your day every day. In the daily turmoil it is hard to think about why your are doing it all for in the end. Occupied by the short term you loose sight on the long term. The long term being: your physical health and your life goals. Yes, I believe that you do not only do harm to yourself physically (e.g. heart related problems). You also fail to ensure you are on the right track in your life.

How to solve this? In my opinion it is quite simple: JUST SAY NO! Say no to all the things that only suck the life out of you. A lot of people are afraid to say no when somebody ask them help or a favour. In fact, what do you think is better: doing a random job on fifty things or doing a really superb job on twenty things. A nice consequence is that in the end you get to do more of what you really like. Value that.

PS: Don’t mistake saying NO with letting good stuff pass by. In order to grow you need to take on new challenging projects. There is always a trade-off between pay-off and risk. In that way you really have to be YES-man.

Bottom line: say NO when it sucks the life out of you.

In my opinion there is a reason for the things that happen around us. Let me explain in what sense. I don’t mean that everything is well thought over. There is not a big plan or rationale behind everything. Humans are emotional and irrational beings remember. I mean it rather like this.

For every consequence there has to be a cause. A hippopotamus does not end up high up in the lamppost alone. There needs to be support in order to do that. Let me give an example. Bush did not get elected as president just by handing in a candidature. Bush needed people to vote for him in order to get elected president. There was a need in society that

Bottom line: next time you see your imaginary hippopotamus in the lamppost think about how it ended up there.

Imagine yourself at one point and far ahead of you a beacon flashing white light. This beacon is your destination and it is absolutely obvious where it is. The way to reach it is like an untapped mountain hill dressed with virgin snow. Thus, it is very unclear. This is not a problem of goal setting but rather a problem of  execution. How do you embarque on your mission?

One possible way is to make a concrete plan of all the steps that you have to undertake in order to reach your goal. You model yourself your way to the beacon of light. You set it up beforehand when you try to imagine all the roadblocks you will encounter. You leave with a plan in your hand towards your destination. For sure, plans made are plans lost: things that actually will happen will differ from the things you have thought of before. You will be able to reach your goal but unless you are able to adapt yourself to a changing situation it will be worth a hard deal.

Another possible way is to leave immediately for the open sea and directly sniff the stuff that is happening out there. Your impressions will be more accurate and you will leave with a head start. Without the planning effort situations won’t be that clear to interpret the right way. So, it’s possible that sometimes you rather are swinging around without direction than moving ahead to your goal. The trip will be a thrill and a great learning experience.

In my opinion neither option has always to be chosen the first. Both have advantages and disadvantages. By taking the first route, the rout of making a model, you can make things very clear. But on the other hand it can inhibit adaptation to new situations. It involves planning and therefore these plans can remain only words.  This approach is very alive in big corporate cultures  where the gathering of meetings is excessively used.

By taking the other route, things are not that clear at all. This approach can be plainly stupid. Going somewhere without knowing how is not always a good approach. It can also be proof of a lack of commitment. On the other hand it can be such a learning experience that I would say: for the sake of it, just try it.

Bottom line: If you try, try hard. If you plan, prepare to adapt

It can happen to anyone. Before your day has been quite average but that suddenly changes into turmoil. Something big comes up and is trumpeting like a big parade on carnival’s day. The catch is that you need someone else to provide you a BIG favour in order to make it happen. How do you tackle it?

It is a possibility just to let it slide and let it pass by. You can just sit and not make it happen. The apparent advantage is that you don’t have to ask someone to do you a big favour. Your relationship with the person remains unhassled and you don’t make a fool out of yourself.

Another possibility is to grab your chances and take the blunt decision to ask someone to you a big favour. Psychologically it is a big hurdle to come over. How will the person react and will we keep a good relationship in the future. In my opinion, when you even consider about even having a relationship with that person asking a favour to someone from time to time is a must. The person you ask may even be flattered that you require his help. So it’s a double win: you try your chances and in the long run it will benefit your relationship with that person.

Bottom line: It is a classic. A NO you already have but a YES you can get. Go out and try your chances!

Having to keep your mouth shut about something and not talk about it or mention it to your peers can create a strangling effect on your thinking in the long run. It is quite normal to have your own secrets, that’s not what I am talking about. The difficulty lies not in keeping some trivial facts to yourself but lies rather in keeping stuff to yourself that can shake the ground of your peers. Mostly you’re very involved in these situations because you are for instance very excited about it.  Your involvement ensures that those yet unspoken thoughts come up your throat urging you to scream them out. The physical feeling of really having to swallow them down again is a reality. Also, on a mental stage, it really gets to you. These kind of knowledge is always in the back of your mind. It comes up playing in every situation you encounter. In the long run some situation will provoke a confession. It can be on an approprate time or premature. If it is already OK to talk about the issue no harm is done. If it is still premature make sure that you take the proper further steps.

Bottom line: Truth always finds a way out

In modern Western society the assumption that we can tackle everything with our hard-wired brain by conscious thought is widely spread. Whenever we encounter a problem we ponder our heads over it, cut it into bits and pieces we can handle and try to tie the ends together with a solution. Whenever we want to learn something new we think that knowledge (e.g. by reading a book) immediately will transfer into know-how. We have ended up to believe that with conscious thought we can manage – well – everything.

There is, however, another great force in play that we forget to give recognition: the unconscious mind. A way of thinking that does not lead us to straightforward solutions and does not tie every open end immediately. With our mind we learn just by doing and going along. Afterwards it is difficult to describe how we even learned to do it. In that way it is completely non-descriptive.

What I am talking about is the muse artists talk about when they describe their artistic process. What I am talking about is the giant leaps brilliant scientist are able to take in during their research. When asked about any analytics behind those discoveries they reveal that they cannot grasp how they came up with it.

Bottom line: Give way to the slower tortoise mind instead of the fast but superficial hare brain.

A video featuring Bill Strickland about motivation

I will start this one with an example out of my daily life and then look for the general behavior that is behind it.

Today I had some visitors in my appartment that I share with two friends of mine. You know what happens when people live together. Well, they tend to accumulate some stuff. Also, cleaning is a bit disregarded sometimes. Even though we have made some very clear rules about it, the execution of those rules is another matter. I already mentioned that we had some visitors coming. To give them a good impression about our apartment, we brushed and cleaned up our apartment nicely. I admit that it felt good to get to action, even though I am very fond of those cleaning tasks. It felt good because it provided some kind of a fresh start.

This takes me to the second part of this post. I felt somehow obliged to host my guests in a nice environment. In that view, our action to clean was externally driven. But at the same time, it felt good personally to take action. In that view, our action to clean was internally driven.

Now I wonder what trigger is the strongest in general. Is it the obligation we feel towards other people or is the self-interest we are seeking for. In my opinion the external trigger (obligations) is a very strong trigger for putting us into action. However, in the longer run we are looking for self-interest: we want to feel good about the thing we do. We want to give them some kind of perspective: will I benefit in the longer run?

To sum up, I believe that our environment is the strongest trigger for starting our actions. But in the longer run we want do do things that are in line with our goals and aspirations. In that view we are driven by self-interest.